Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
