I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
