Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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