Porn is love you can see.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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