Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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