I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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