Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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