all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
