You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
