i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
