So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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