Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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