"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
