Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
