so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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