In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
