Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
