Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
