thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize