So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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