his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
