so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
