Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
