remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
