Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
