i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
