im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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