can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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