i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
