You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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