Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
this will be a night to untag.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize