mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
not ubering you a puppy
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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