he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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