i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
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