drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
