He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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