She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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