Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
