Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I need a beard to bite.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
