I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
