My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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