I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
