How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
