So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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