you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
