Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
