You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
