why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize