Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
