omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
