She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
