my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
