Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am midnight drunk by noon
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
