yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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