In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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