Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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