i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
