you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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