well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
