so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
