my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
