Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
