May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
