letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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