That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
